Saturday, December 18, 2010
Can you eat them?
here are some pictures of the grossest cakes i can see on the net, check them out!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Burgers and Shake
I was waiting for the bus earlier today when suddenly i remembered something. I grabbed my phone and started typing.
This may sound stupid but it did made me smile. So let me share my story that happened not so long ago.
When i was 19 i was barely home, I was always out with my friends somewhere. But when I am home i rarely go out of our house so I don't know all of our neighbors. Plus people see me as a snob, i don't normally talk to people in our street. I do have a lots of friends, they just don't live anywhere near the vicinity, plus I don't like the kids living nearby. For me they're just immature and always fooling around. I'm more fond of talking with older folks, with them you I can get a real conversation. Not just about boys and school.
People would come and go in our street, and it would be months after i realized that they already left. I grew up in the city, in a middle class town. Our neighborhood was full of kids roaming around and people outside their houses chatting and stuff. It was fun, but it was too much for me to handle.
One fine day i went out so see whats going on in our neighborhood, I felt like its been a long time since i take a look around. I was standing in front of our gate watching people do stuff, kids running, some were buying at the grocery store, some were just there sitting and hanging out.
After few minutes, a childhood friend approached me, we were just standing there laughing and catching up. When suddenly I turned my head and there he was. He was so sexy, i don't know what he was doing, but he looks like he was washing something, i just don't know what it was. I remembered he was wearing a summer shorts and he was half naked. He was kinda sweaty, he was so dreamy. He is tall with light tanned skin and he had an athletic body. His hair was the boy next door type and he looks so mysterious. He looks like Jordan Herrera of the "Power Boys" they we're like a boy band on our time.
I asked my friend if he was new in our town, my friend said that he was just here for few months. He was applying for a job on a cruise ship. I'm friends with his aunt so it feels so awkward and to top that his uncle was hitting on me even though everyone knows he was married. I was just casual when I asked about him, but deep inside i was drooling.
Most of the time when i have a crush, i don't let anyone know about it, just some of my closest friends. And even when my crushes talks to me i tend to be snobbish, I just don't want to see me easy. But in reality I'm screaming on the inside. I know most of the girls are like that.
After that very day, every time when I come home I always look at the window hoping that he would just be there doing whatever. Our house comes before theirs, when i realize what time he passes by, I will sit on the chair next to our window hoping he would take a second look at me. I love the way he smiles, when he does, I feel like it melts all my troubles away.
One Saturday morning, i was doing something outside our house, i looked so dirty when a friend of mine told me that someone wants to meet me and be my friend. I was really puzzled, who could it be? So I asked her, she just pointed her finger on her left and said "Him". I looked at that direction and I saw him he was smiling. I want to fall on my knees that time but I managed to keep my poise. I just smiled back and told my friend that if he wanted to meet me he should have the guts to do that for himself, he doesn't need a bridge or whatever.
So my friend left and I saw her talked to that guy. After a few moments, I saw him walking to my direction, I don't know what to do, and I'm so not cute at that moment. My hands were dusty and my clothes were dirty. So he came over and introduced himself. His name was AMIN, I think it was short for Benjamin I'm just not sure. He offered to shake my hand but i refused, I told him that I don't want his hands to get dirty. We talked for just few minutes, I told him that I was doing something and he should go. So he took my number and he told me he would call.
That night i was surfing the net and was just getting ready to bed when my phone rang. It was Amin, it was really funny coz we hardly know each other but yet we talked like we have known each other for a long time. I distinctly remember that he told me he was hungry and he asked me if we could grab something to eat. It was almost midnight but then again I agreed to go out with him. So we went out went to a 24 hour burger joint near our place and order burgers and shake.
This "Midnight Dates" lasted for few weeks. I would just sneak out and grab midnight snack, then we would just sit on a gasoline station near our place and talk till dawn, and he would walk me home right after.
Eventually my aunt found out what we were doing, some of our nosy neighbors saw us and told my aunt. so she told me not to see him anymore. we still talked on the phone though. But i guess the flame just stopped burning. He stopped calling and one day I stopped seeing him. A friend just told me that he got a job offer on one of the cruise ship that he was applying and I haven't heard from him since then.
It was sad.. but maybe it just wasn't meant to be..
It was sad.. but maybe it just wasn't meant to be..
Thursday, November 4, 2010
A Boy Singing To His Sister
email from therese quimpo.
Boy Singing to his little sister.....You are My Sunshine, My only Sunshine'
( Be prepared to get watery eyes!)
Like any good mother, when Karen found out that another baby was on the way, she did what she could to help her 3-year-old son, Michael, prepare for a new sibling.
They found out that the new baby was going be a girl, and day after day, night after night, Michael sang to his sister in mommy's tummy.
He was building a bond of love with his little sister before he even met her.
The pregnancy progressed normally for Karen, an active member of the Panther Creek United Methodist Church in Morristown , Tennessee.
In time, the labor pains came. Soon it was every five minutes, every three, every minute. But serious complications arose during delivery and Karen found herself in hours of labor.
Would a C-section be required? Finally, after a long struggle, Michael's little sister was born. But she was in very serious condition.
With a siren howling in the night, the ambulance rushed the infant to the neonatal intensive care unit at St. Mary 's Hospital, Knoxville , Tennessee.
The days inched by. The little girl got worse. The
pediatrician had to tell the parents there is very little hope. Be prepared for the worst.
Karen and her husband contacted a local cemetery about a burial plot. They had fixed up a special room in their house for their new baby but now they found themselves having to plan for a funeral. Michael,
however, kept begging his parents to let him see his sister. I want to sing to her, he kept saying.
Week two in intensive care looked as if a funeral would come before the week was over.
Michael kept nagging about singing to his sister, but kids are never allowed in Intensive Care. Karen decided to take Michael whether they liked it or not.
If he didn't see his sister right then, he may never see her alive. She dressed him in an oversized scrub suit and marched him into ICU. He looked like a walking laundry basket.
The head nurse recognized him as a child and bellowed, 'Get that kid out of here now. No children are allowed.'The mother rose up strong in Karen, and the usually mild-mannered lady glared steel-eyed right into the head nurse's face, her lips a firm line.
'He is not leaving until he sings to his sister' she stated.
Then Karen towed Michael to his sister's bedside.
He gazed at the tiny infant losing the battle to live.
After a moment, he began to sing.
In the pure-hearted voice of a 3-year-old, Michael sang:
'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray.' Instantly the baby girl seemed to respond. The pulse rate began to calm down and become steady.
'Keep on singing, Michael,' encouraged Karen with tears in her eyes.
'You never know, dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away.'
As Michael sang to his sister, the baby's ragged, strained breathing became as smooth as a kitten's purr'Keep on singing, sweetheart.'
'The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms' Michael's little sister began to relax as rest, healing rest, seemed to sweep over her.
'Keep on singing, Michael.' Tears had now conquered the face of the bossy head nurse. Karen glowed.
'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please don't take my sunshine away.'
The next day...the very next day the little girl was well enough to go home
Woman's Day Magazine called it The Miracle of a Brother's Song.
The medical staff just called it a miracle.
Karen called it a miracle of God's love.
NEVER GIVE UP ON THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.
LOVE IS SO INCREDIBLY POWERFUL.
Life is good.
Have a Wonderful Day!
Just send this to as many people as you wish.
Do not break this, please. There is no cost, but lots of rewards.
In God We Trust!
'The evidence of God's presence far outweighs the proof of His absence.'
Onions
email from reah aristan.
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu.
Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home,(probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope.
She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that several
years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work.. (And no, she is not in the onion business.)
The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls
around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the
better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case..
Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few buckson onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied
with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon,thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmers story...but,
I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless to say I was very ill...I
came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put one
end on a fork and then place the forked end into an empty jar...placing
the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black
in the morning from the germs...sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu.
Many of the farmers and their family had contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home,(probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope.
She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that several
years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work.. (And no, she is not in the onion business.)
The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls
around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your office or under your desk or even on top somewhere. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the
better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case..
Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few buckson onions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied
with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon,thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmers story...but,
I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless to say I was very ill...I
came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put one
end on a fork and then place the forked end into an empty jar...placing
the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black
in the morning from the germs...sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
If Columbus Was Married...
email from duby john.
If Columbus had been married……
he might have never discovered America…..
do u knw y????
Because he would have to answer:
Where are you going?
Who are you going with?
What are you going to discover?
Why only you?
What shall I do when you are not here?
Can I also come?
When are you coming back?
Are you coming back for Dinner?
Most importantly: What will you bring for me?
Atlast his answer would be:
”oh come onnnnn......... ok I am not going anywhere!!!”
If Columbus had been married……
he might have never discovered America…..
do u knw y????
Because he would have to answer:
Where are you going?
Who are you going with?
What are you going to discover?
Why only you?
What shall I do when you are not here?
Can I also come?
When are you coming back?
Are you coming back for Dinner?
Most importantly: What will you bring for me?
Atlast his answer would be:
”oh come onnnnn......... ok I am not going anywhere!!!”
Wives
email from nishant govindan.
Mens' Perspective About A Wife
|
Man Without Bad Habits
email from nishant govindan.
Man without bad habits..
Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for
some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that
the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some
money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But
if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help
you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He
then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the
beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the
beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the
liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.
Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If
we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offered saying, "Sorry
sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved !! and asked the beggar to come to his home
with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at
least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man,
"Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied.......................
"My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like"
some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the
beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that
the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some
money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But
if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help
you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He
then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the
beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the
beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the
liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.
Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If
we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offered saying, "Sorry
sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved !! and asked the beggar to come to his home
with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at
least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man,
"Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied.......................
"My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like"
A Fathers Promise
email from simran chaney.
Wonderful story don’t skip………
A Father's Promise - "I'll always be there for you!"
It's a fascinating story that comes out of the 1989 earthquake which almost flattened Armenia. This deadly tremor killed over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of all the confusion of the earthquake, a father rushed to his son's school. When he arrived there he discovered the building was flat as a pancake.
Standing there looking at what was left of the school, the father remembered a promise he made to his son, "No matter what, I'll always be there for you!" Tears began to fill his eyes. It looked like a hopeless situation, but he could not take his mind off his promise.
Remembering that his son's classroom was in the back right corner of the building, the father rushed there and started digging through the rubble. As he was digging other grieving parents arrived, clutching their hearts, saying: "My son!”My daughter!" They tried to pull him off of what was left of the school saying: "It's too late!" "They're dead!" "You can't help!" "Go home!" Even a police officer and a fire fighter told him he should go home. To everyone who tried to stop him he said, "Are you going to help me now?" They did not answer him and he continued digging for his son stone by stone.
He needed to know for himself: "Is my boy alive or is he dead?" This man dug for eight hours and then twelve and then twenty-four and then thirty-six. Finally in the thirty-eighth hour, as he pulled back a boulder, he heard his son's voice. He screamed his son's name, "ARMAND!" and a voice answered him, "Dad?" It's me Dad!" Then the boy added these priceless words, "I told the other kids not to worry. I told 'em that if you were alive, you'd save me and when you saved me, they'd be saved. You promised that, Dad. 'No matter what,' you said, 'I'll always be there for you!' And here you are Dad. You kept your promise!"
A Father's Promise - "I'll always be there for you!"
It's a fascinating story that comes out of the 1989 earthquake which almost flattened Armenia. This deadly tremor killed over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of all the confusion of the earthquake, a father rushed to his son's school. When he arrived there he discovered the building was flat as a pancake.
Standing there looking at what was left of the school, the father remembered a promise he made to his son, "No matter what, I'll always be there for you!" Tears began to fill his eyes. It looked like a hopeless situation, but he could not take his mind off his promise.
Remembering that his son's classroom was in the back right corner of the building, the father rushed there and started digging through the rubble. As he was digging other grieving parents arrived, clutching their hearts, saying: "My son!”My daughter!" They tried to pull him off of what was left of the school saying: "It's too late!" "They're dead!" "You can't help!" "Go home!" Even a police officer and a fire fighter told him he should go home. To everyone who tried to stop him he said, "Are you going to help me now?" They did not answer him and he continued digging for his son stone by stone.
He needed to know for himself: "Is my boy alive or is he dead?" This man dug for eight hours and then twelve and then twenty-four and then thirty-six. Finally in the thirty-eighth hour, as he pulled back a boulder, he heard his son's voice. He screamed his son's name, "ARMAND!" and a voice answered him, "Dad?" It's me Dad!" Then the boy added these priceless words, "I told the other kids not to worry. I told 'em that if you were alive, you'd save me and when you saved me, they'd be saved. You promised that, Dad. 'No matter what,' you said, 'I'll always be there for you!' And here you are Dad. You kept your promise!"
Thanks
Walang Magawa
email from sheryl cruz.
Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold! pag huminto stopwatch!"
gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!
Couple talking:
wife: hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband: hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife: eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband: hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis si husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife: kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pinag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!
ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am.
pag namuti, white gold! pag huminto stopwatch!"
gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!
Couple talking:
wife: hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband: hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife: eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband: hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis si husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife: kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pinag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!
ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"
Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!
Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!
Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"
Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"
WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!!
WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..
Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigi sing bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na..
Population policies of countries:
China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!
RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA : you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!
Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!
"SUMPA"
Hindi na makakatikim ng napakasarap na 'Sex' ang huling bumasa nito!
Ayos safe na ako... papayag ka bang IKAW ang huling babasa nito?
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"
Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!
Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!
Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"
Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"
WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!!
WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..
Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigi sing bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na..
Population policies of countries:
China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!
RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space
USA : we're 1st in the moon
ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun
USA : you can't go there, you'll burn
ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!
Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!
"SUMPA"
Hindi na makakatikim ng napakasarap na 'Sex' ang huling bumasa nito!
Ayos safe na ako... papayag ka bang IKAW ang huling babasa nito?
Life may not be the party we hoped for...
But while we are here...
We might as well dance...Ü
Mom: baby, your good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your
answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang problema natin dahil nagmamahalan tayo.
ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There what it takes to be. Then we shall so be it because it is. To do or
not to is in the what, now or what else. Without which there never to you!"
- words of wisdom from Senator Lito Lapid.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe
Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare2: pare ako nanalo!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi ako
driver ng funenaria
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso
Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a pet shop...
Customer talking to a parrot...
Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit
Mga bakla: carry lang po father...dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag
slide-slide!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable?
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl: doc, pacheck-up po
Doc: sige hubad ka ng panty at bra tapos higa ka
Girl: hindi po ako, itong lola ko po
Doc: sige lola, hinga na lang po ng malalim
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na...ano ang balak mo
itanim sa sakahan mo anak?
Anak: flowers papa!!! madaming madaming flowers! pretty diba?!
But while we are here...
We might as well dance...Ü
Mom: baby, your good in math. Now I'm going to ask you a question.
Baby: sure mom
Mom: if your daddy gives you 3 apples and I give you 4 apples, what's your
answer?
Baby: thank you po!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BF: may malaki ako problema.
GF: wag mo sabihin problema mo lang problema natin dahil nagmamahalan tayo.
ngayon ano problema natin?
BF: nabuntis natin si inday at tayo ang ama
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There what it takes to be. Then we shall so be it because it is. To do or
not to is in the what, now or what else. Without which there never to you!"
- words of wisdom from Senator Lito Lapid.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pare1: pare parang malalim ang iniisip mo!
Pare2: nanaginip ako kagabi kasama ko 50 contestants ng Ms. Universe
Pare1: swerte mo! ano problema mo?
Pare2: pare ako nanalo!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Killer: father mangungumpisal po ako
Father: ano kasalanan mo?
Killer: pumatay po ako ng 20 tao
Father: bakit?
Killer: kasi po naniniwala sila sa Diyos, kayo po naniniwala ba?
Father: dati...pero ngayon trip trip na lang
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Patient: doc takot po ako sa bunot
Dentist: eto gamot pampatapang ng loob
Patient: (ininom ang gamot)
Dentist: ano matapang ka na ba?
Patient: oo doc! puta pag may gumalaw ng ngipin ko basag ang bungo!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Passenger taps taxi driver's shoulder...
WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! screamed the driver...
Passenger: bakit ka sumigaw?
Driver: sorry bossing bago lang kasi ako sa taxi. 25 years po kasi ako
driver ng funenaria
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 panget na babe, hinoholdap
Holdaper: holdap ito! akin na gamit mo!
Babae: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!
Holdaper: anong rape? holdap nga to eh!
Babae: wala lang! nagsusuggest lang...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 lasing nasalubong ang matabang babae na may kasamang aso
Lasing: hoy, saan mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: aso ito hindi baboy!
Lasing: huwag ka nga sumabat! yung aso ang kausap ko!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a pet shop...
Customer talking to a parrot...
Customer: hoy! can you talk ha?! bobo!!!
Parrot: yes i can!!! ikaw?! can you fly ha? GAGO!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Priest: ang mga bakla'y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit
Mga bakla: carry lang po father...dun na lang kami sa rainbow mag
slide-slide!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula sa letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable?
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige siret na!
Bobo: ANEST wehehe!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girl: doc, pacheck-up po
Doc: sige hubad ka ng panty at bra tapos higa ka
Girl: hindi po ako, itong lola ko po
Doc: sige lola, hinga na lang po ng malalim
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na...ano ang balak mo
itanim sa sakahan mo anak?
Anak: flowers papa!!! madaming madaming flowers! pretty diba?!
TIRED IN EVERYDAY DOING? Here are five tips for something new¦
- Sikmuraan ang unang taong makasalubong at humingi ng sorry.
- Uminom ng pampatulog at labanan ito. Mag-exercise.
- Tibagin ang bahay at buuing muli.
- Himatayin kunwari sa daan. Tiyaking may tao.
- Tahiin ang puwet at magpatingin sa doktor.
***
Sintomas ng PINOY LOVE:
As if walang pakialam pero deep inside, worried na¦ miss na miss na.
Pag nag-text, "So what?" daw. Pero later, magre-reply rin naman.
Pa-erase-erase pa ng # kunwari pero¦ hello¦ memoryado naman ˜yung #.
Kapag hindi tine-text ng bf/gf niya, kunwari, na-wrong send para magpapansin.
Ayaw mag-text pero nagtatanong sa barkada ng bf/gf niya kung kumusta na.
Haaayy… LOVE nga naman sa Pilipinas, oh… pang-adik!
*
Paano mo malalaman kung LOVE mo ang isang tao?
Kapag hindi nag-text nang isang araw, nami-miss mo o nagwo-worry ka.
Kapag may iba siyang katext, nagseselos ka.
Habang katext mo, biglang nagpaalam na matutulog na… maiinis ka.
Tuwing aalis siya, inaalam mo kung saan siya pupunta.
Curious ka sa family niya.
Kapag dumampi ang balat/kamay niya sa yo, iba ang feeling mo.
Pagtunog ng cellphone mo, pangalan niya ang ine-expect mong lumitaw.
Bago ka matulog, siya ang iniisip mo.
Paggising mo, siya pa rin ang una mong maiisip.
Iniisip mo siya habang binabasa mo ito right now¦
***
Symptoms of a CERTIFIED SINGLE:
- Mahilig kumain.
- Panalo ang social life. Alam lahat ng gimikan at mall sale.
- Hayok sa tulog.
- Gadget-addict.
- Sa cellphone, group message nang group message ng quotes.
- Ngumingiti kahit nag-iisa.
- Tumataba.
- Porma to the max.
- Mukhang happy kahit hindi naman talaga.
Symptoms of CERTIFIED TAKEN:
- Walang pera.
- Mukhang ngarag at laspag.
- Kuripot.
- Blooming, kasi, kailangan para hindi iwan.
- Walang social life kundi dyowa niya.
- Boring kausap.
***
Mga PAMATAY na HIRIT
"Kumain ka ba ng asukal? Ang tamis kasi ng ngiti mo!"
"May lahi ka bang keyboard? Type kasi kita!"
"Ipapupulis kita! Ninakaw mo kasi ang puso ko!"
"Are you a dictionary? Kasi, you add meaning to my life."
"Meron ka bang lisensya? Kasi, you drive me crazy."
"I lost my number. Can I have yours?"
"Angel ba ang name mo? Kasi, you look like one."
"I forgot your name. Can I call you mine?"
PAMATAY na REPLY
"Excuse me, kumain ka ba ng mais? Ang corny mo kasi!"
***
GREAT FACTS
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
Marriage is a relationship wherein one person is always right and the other person is the husband.
They said we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried but they wanted cash.
The human brain functions 24 hours/day, 365 days/year until you fall for someone…
***
T: Ano ang pinakamasakit na maramdaman kung matanda na tayo?
S: ‘Yung paggising mo, tapos, pagtingin mo sa tagiliran, matanda rin ang iyong katabi.
***
BERTO: Ano ang mas mahalaga, pera o asawa?
ROMY: Syempre, pera! Kasi, ang pera, habang tumatagal, lumalaki ang interes. Ang asawa, habang tumatagal, nawawalan ka ng interes, tapos, inuubos pa ang pera mo!
***
Ang hirap kapag may iniiwasan.
Nakikita ko pa lang siya, gusto ko nang makalayo.
Sa kaiiwas ko¦ lalong bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko!:::::
Lokong aso yun, pinakaba ako!
Me and My Boss
email from simran chaney.
ME and MY BOSS
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying tobe smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview.
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
what to do?????????????
ME and MY BOSS
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying tobe smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview.
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
what to do?????????????
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